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I am a blogger who specializes in using blogs to blog.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Nelly Writes Bad Fanfiction (or "Nelly Loses a Bet")

So, some how or another, over the course of my adventures on the internet, I was tagged to do this fanfiction meme.

Yeah, that's right. A fanfiction meme.

For those of you who aren't aware, a meme can be many things. In this case, a meme is basically a challenge. If you are "tagged" meaning, if your name is one the list of people at the bottom of the post, it means you have to complete the challenge.

What did this mean for me? This meant I had to sit down and write fanfiction. And it was bad. Very bad. A terrifying, frightening experience beyond all sense of logical reason.

But was also kind of fun.

Anyway, this was my challenge:

1. Write down the names of 10 characters.
2. Write a fic of fifteen words or less for every prompt, using the characters determined by the numbers. Do NOT read the prompts before you do step 1.

Here were the characters I chose:

1.) The Tenth Doctor – Doctor Who
2.) Billy/Dr. Horrible – Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog
3.) Donna Noble – Doctor Who
4.) Greg House – House
5.) Echo – Dollhouse
6.) Barney Stinson – How I Met Your Mother
7.) Toby – Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
8.) The Phantom (Erik) – The Phantom of the Opera
9.) Yami Yugi – Yu-Gi-Oh (You can tell I’m running out of characters…)
10.) Penny – Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog

And here were the mini-fanfictions that resulted from this. The numbers next to it are randomly decided by the challenge, not by me. Keep in mind had no idea what the prompts were when I chose characters. I just went with the first ones that popped into my head.

Also keep in mind that I had, like, fifiteen minutes to write these, so said the challenge. I managed to pull it off, but the grammer and my ability to not sound cliched suffered.

WARNING: Some of these are disturbing. Blame whatever deranged person came up with this challenge, not me.

1.) "First Time" - 4/6 (House/Barney)

"Well," said Barney, "that really wasn't how I expected this to go..."

"We can just go ahead and pretend this never happened." Said House, refusing to look over at the man lying next to him.


2.) "Angst" - 7 (Toby)

Three times, she said, three times through the grinder, smoothly, smoothly, smoothly...

Why did he have to hurt people? He shouldn't do that.


And now he had. He shouldn't do that. He was bad. Tody wasn't a good boy anymore. Toby was bad. Toby was bad. Smoothly...


3.) "AU" - 1/8 (The Doctor/The Phantom)

It was another dull night in the basement of the Paris Opera House. After what had seemed like hours, the Doctor and the Phantom had finally settled on "Go Fish" as their game of choice for the evening.

"So how's that opera of yours coming?" asked the Doctor, "also, go fish."

"It's alright," answered the Phantom, taking a card from the pile and glaring a it, "Christine says the chords are bit off in some places, but then she was partially hypnotized at the time."

"Ah," said the Doctor, "Yes, that isn't exactly the most reliable criticism. Do you have any threes?"

4.) "Threesome" - 3/6/9 (Donna/Barney/Yami)

"It's the same thing I told the Doctor," said Donna defiantly, "you're too thin! You're like nothing! Egyptian nothing!"

"Just because I'm thin doesn't mean I'm bad," said Yami, "As a matter of fact, Yugi was just saying the other day -"

"I really don't need to hear that!" said Barney, suddenly, "God, this is why I don't do shots!"

5.) "Hurt/Comfort" - 5/10 (Echo/Penny)

"So..." said Echo, sitting down next to her new friend on top of the dryer, "I'm involved in this huge politically, scientifically, and morally ambiguous conspiracy, I don't have my own identity, and can remember being like five million people, none of whom are actually me."

"Don't worry," said Penny, "Even in the darkness, every color can be found."


6.) "Crack" - 1 (The Doctor)

"I want a banana milkshake!" said the Doctor, firmly.

"I'm sorry sir, we don't have those," replied the man at the counter for the fourth time.

"Well fine then, prepare yourself for the vengeful rage of the TIME LORD VICTORIOUS!!!"

"Excuse me?"

With that the Doctor proceeded to open a hole in time and space with his sonic screwdriver, shove the uncooperative milkshake man through it, and steal the shop's bananas.

"He he," he said, "Take that, laws of time."

7.) "Horror" - 10 (Penny)

She could feel the blood seeping through her fingers as she reached down to touch her stomach. Evil surrounded her, everywhere blood and screaming, and...Billy? Was that really him?

It was. The blood on his forehead and the concerned yet still somehow evil look in his eyes confirmed it. He was gone too. Gone with the blood and screaming, gone with any hint of innocence in the world. Everything was bloody, everything was slipping...

She slipped. And then she was gone.

8.) "Baby Fic" - 5/9 (Echo/Yami)

"How did this happen?" asked Echo, looking down at her new son.

"Did we even have sex?" asked Yami.

9.) "Dark" - 2/9 (Billy/Yami)

"I killed her." said Billy, looking down at his hands as if stained by her blood, "She died in my arms. I'm evil, Yami, I'm...I'm not a good person to be around."

"I once succumbed to the powers of darkness and inadvertently killed my other self in the process," said Yami, "plus I used to murder people back when I was first released from the puzzle. We're both dark, Billy, we're both against society."

"Are you saying...?"

"We might as well kill together."

10.) "Romance" - 4/7 (House/Toby)

"I've been in bed with a lot of strange people lately," said House, "but a psych ward patient who mumbles about pies and cannibalism is definitely a new one."

"Just kiss me, sir." said Toby.

11.) "Death Fic" - 2/3 (Billy/Donna)

"Did I mention I killed the woman I loved?" asked Billy.

"Did I mention my best friend psychologically killed me?" replied Donna.

"I'm not sure who wins here." said Billy.

"Yeah..." said Donna, "Really."

Monday, October 05, 2009

My Favorite Awesome Random Internet Stuff

Ah, the internet. The single greatest time sucking, attention-span-deteriorating information highway on the face of the earth. Who doesn’t love it? Kind of. At least, a little bit.

As someone who keeps a blog, I am obviously completely addicted to the internet. If I'm not in class or at rehearsal, there's about a 90% chance I'm online. It's sad, I know, but it's something I can't avoid. The internet is a vast source of not just information, but entertainment. It's not just movies, shows, and television anymore. The internet has opened up a completely new medium for people to explore and experiment with. There's a ridiculous amount of creativity online, almost all of it done by completely random people who just happen to have a lot of really random talent. People say that the internet is turning us into zombies. How can it be? Zombies can't speak, or create something captivating. If anything the internet is helping to make us less like zombies, by allowing us a new medium with which to express ourselves.

That being said, this is why I love the internet. Most bloggers at some point in their lives write out a list of their favorite websites, many without really explaining what they are or why they love them. Rather than just throwing a bunch of links to random sites on a page, I figured I'd actually write about a few things I love that I found online. Some are websites, some are just videos, but all of them are suitably awesome and should definitely be checked out if you're into random internet awesomeness.

So, without further ado, I present Nelly's Favorite Awesome Random Internet Stuff, my favorite stuff to do when I'm online and should be writing a paper.
  1. Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (http://www.youtube.com/user/CardGamesFTW) This was shown to me by my cousins one weekend when I was in Maine, and as someone with a totally random fixation with Yu-Gi-Oh this series is awesome. Even if you're not and never have been into Yu-Gi-Oh, this series is awesome. It's done by a guy called LittleKuriboh, who basically just chops up every episode of Yu-Gi-Oh and re-dubs them with his own dialogue. What's impressive about the series is not just the quality of the writing and dialogue (which is ridiculously well done for something found on YouTube) but also the quality of the voice acting. With the exception of three minor characters, LittleKuriboh voices every single character himself, making each of his million voices unique and fitting for the characters, many of which he makes frighteningly similar to the voices on the original show. It's clever, well put together, and never once fails to make you laugh. Also check out his "Episode One Live" video, in which he stands on a random street corner and performs the entire first episode himself, switching seamlessly in and out of every voice on the spot. It's ridiculous, in a beyond awesome way.
  2. Sailor Moon Abridged (http://www.youtube.com/user/Megami33) Once Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged came out, a lot of people tried to make their own versions, with various degrees of success. A lot of them are awful, but a few of them are awesome. This is one of the awesome ones. It does the same thing that Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged does, chops ups episodes and parodies them, but instead of only using one voice actor, it uses a team of college students, and abridges Sailor Moon. Though occasionally not as well put together as it's inspiration, it's still unbeleivably clever and funny, and manages to put it's own spin on not just Sailor Moon, but on the entire Abridged Series genre. I recently bumped into the creator of this series, Megami33, at an anime convention in the city last weekend. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize it was her until she was walking away, so all I got to say was how much I liked her costume. Go figure.
  3. That Guy With The Glasses (http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/) This is a great site. It's basically a video hosting site for a bunch of different internet reviewers, the most famous of which is probably The Nostolgia Critic. It's basically people reviewing old movies, TV shows, video games and assorted other geeky-type things, in a ridiculously entertaining and comedic way. There's a lot of talent on the site, a lot of different shows and reviewers, but my favorites are the aforementioned Nostolgia Critic, who reviews TV shows and movies from the late 80's and early 90's, the Nostolgia Chick, who reviews TV shows and movies from the late 80's and early 90's from a somewhat funnier female prospective, Marzgurl, who reviews and discusses animation, and Linkara, who reviews comic books. Also on the site is a show called "Fanfiction Masterpeice Theater" which features dramatic readings of bad fanfictions, and "Bad Movie Beatdown" in which a random British guy who doesn't look much older than me basically just beats down really bad movies. The site is packed with all sorts of different characters and perspectives, and apart from most of them being ridiculously funny, they also offer some really well done reviews of things that wouldn't normally get reviewed.
  4. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog (http://www.hulu.com/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog) If you hang out on the internet a lot, and you haven't heard of this, you're clearly not online as much as you think. This is a work of art. It's bizarre, it's funny, it's dark, it's bright, it's pretty much everything that defines awesome rolled into one convenient package. This is a 42-minute, three part film series thingy done by Joss Whedon (of Buffy and Firefly fame) and his brothers during the writer's strike. It stars Neil Patrick Harris as a wannabe supervillian, Dr. Horrible, desperately trying to get accepted into the Evil League of Evil while simultaneously trying to win the heart of Penny, played by Felcia Day, from his arch-nemesis Captain Hammer, played hilariously by Nathan Fillion from Firefly. It's your basic tongue-and-cheek parody of superhero comic books...except, it's a musical. Yeah. It's a musical. A ridiculously good musical with some pretty impressive music for something done independently with virtually no budget. It sounds like something that shouldn't have any hope of working, but because it's Joss Whedon, it just does. Spectacularly.
  5. TV Tropes (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage) This site is addicting. Like, literally addicting. It's a wiki that goes through and takes apart all the things common to TV shows and gives them names. For example, in a TV show, a "Heroic BSOD" or "Heroic Blue Screen of Death" is when the hero gets really angsty about something to the point of not responding. The page then lists examples of Heroic BSOD moments in all sorts of different genres including, but not limited to, TV shows. I found this while researching messiah figures for a Comparative Religions project last year. Go figure. Be wary of this site though, it can eat your life.
  6. The Guild (http://www.youtube.com/user/watchtheguild) This is an actual show done exclusivly online, primarily for YouTube. It's written and starred by Felicia Day of Dr. Horrible fame, and is the story of a group of online gamers and how they interact on and offline. This is a hysterical show. Felicia Day herself was apparently addicted to online gaming, so she knows exactly what it's like when gaming takes over your life, and thus, the show is not only funny, but clearly knows what it's talking about. The first two seasons are out on DVD, but pretty much every episode is up on YouTube. They also came out with a music video called "Do You Want To Date My Avatar?" which is pretty awesome. It's a really well done, really well written series that manages to be awesome even if you're not addicted to online gaming.
Those are the stand out internet spots. There's so much more out there, on YouTube, on Facebook, on Google, Wikipedia. You never know what you're going to find. It's one of the greatest things about the internet, and one of the many reasons I'm not exactly worried about my near addiction to the internet. I firmly believe that the internet is not under and circumstances destroying society, and yes, I am using these stupid little web series to prove it. Creativity is still alive and well, and even with the internet becoming more and more of a presence in our lives, I'm pretty sure it's not going to die anytime soon.

That's my piece, I'm off to write a paper on Christian allegories in the play Everyman.

Wish me luck,


Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The Perils of Post

It's 9 AM. I was till past three the night before, and my first class doesn't start till 12:45. Naturally, I get a phone call.

Me: Hello?

Phone Boy: Hello, is this Eleanor?

Me: Yes.

Phone Boy: We have a package here for you, could you come and pick it up?

Me: Sure, I'll do that.

Phone Boy: Ok, thanks.

And with that, he hangs up. I yawn, look over at my still unconscious roommate, make a mental note to go to the post office after class, and go back to bed. At 10, my alarm goes off and I reluctantly get out of bed, take a shower, and check my e-mail. I've slept through breakfast, but I'm hungry, so I decide to leave early and get lunch. It's now 11:25, my class is right next to the cafe, I should have plenty of time.

So once again, naturally, I get a phone call.

Me: Hello?

Phone Boy: Hello, is this Eleanor?

Me: That's me.

Phone Boy: Hi, you have a package you need to pick up.

Me: Ok, I have class, can I pick it up after my 12:45 class?

Phone Boy: Um, not really. We're not responsible for any packages. You need to get it now.

Me: Fine, I'll be right there.

And with that, I hang up. The situation is bizarre and annoying for a number of reasons, one of which being that I'll now have to go sit through an hour and a half long play analysis class with an empty, complaining stomach, another of which being that typically, the arrival of a package is heralded through e-mail rather than the rarely used dorm phone, and typically, you're allowed to pick up a package whenever it's convenient. The fact that it's already 11:30 and I've been called twice is more than a bit strange.

Obviously, at this point, it's the former rather than the latter reason that has me annoyed. I grab my books, my mp3 player, and an apple and grudgingly leave my room to the dulcet tones of Guster.

After realizing half-way there that I have both the wrong book and the wrong key with me, I show up at the post office in a mood that even "Lightening Rod" can't seem to any better, and hand the Post Office Woman my ID card.

Post Office Woman: Are you here to pick up?

Me: Oh yes.

Post Office Woman: Nickerson?

Me: That's my name.

Post Office Woman: I'm sorry, we don't have a package for you.

Me: What?

Post Office Woman: Yeah, there's nothing here for you.

Me: But, someone called me!

Post Office Woman: I didn't call anyone.

Me: Well somebody did! Twice! Once at nine, and then again about fifteen minutes ago. They said they couldn't hold it because they weren't responsible for it.

Post Office Woman: Well, it wasn't me. We don't call people. Try the bookstore.

Me: The bookstore?

Post Office Woman: Yeah, they might call people. I don't think they do, but they might. Who knows?

Me: Thanks.

Post Office Woman: Yep.

And so I wander upstairs to the bookstore. Never mind the fact that I already have all my books, and haven't ordered any others since. I end up in a line towards the back of the store behind two tall, attractive, athletic-looking guys waiting for psychology books - instantly, of course, I wonder why I decided against taking psychology this semester - and for the moment am perfectly content to stand and watch them wait. Unfortunately, the moment is broken by the rather unexpected reappearance of Post Office Woman.

Post Office Woman: (Pointing to me) Um, excuse me! She was called twice this morning about a package she needed to pick up. Was it you?

We are then joined by a rather confused looking Bookstore Woman who I am convinced came literally out of nowhere.

Confused Bookstore Woman: I don't think it was us. We usually don't call people.

Me: So it wasn't you or the post office?

Confused Bookstore Woman: Don't think so. You were called twice?

Me: Yeah, within a couple of hours. I thought I could wait to pick it up, but I guess not. Is there anyone else who could have called?

Confused Bookstore Woman: You could try Residential Life upstairs. They sometimes get flowers or chocolates delivered and end up having to call people.

At this point the tall, attractive athletes give me a look and snicker to themselves. I turn red, and decide it's probably time to leave. I stomp up the stairs to the rarely visited second floor and am immediately treated to the inciting smell of warm bacon. Ironically, the scent hits me as I pass the headquarters of Hofstra Hillel. Past their room, I discover an entire breakfast buffet set out in front of Residential Life. Apparently, there's an international student breakfast going on. I debate over whether or not New Hampshire could be considered "international" before deciding to suck it up, walk past, and go find my mystery package.

Res Life Woman: Can I help you?

Me: Hi, this morning I got a phone call asking if I could pick up a package, which I promise I intended to do after class, but apparently it couldn't wait because I got another call about an hour later saying I needed to pick it up now. So I went to the post office, but they don't call people and didn't have anything for me, then I went to the bookstore and they didn't have anything either so they sent me here, and here I am.

Res Life Woman: Well, we don't call people either.

Me: Seriously? Then who does?

Res Life Woman: No one I know. Though, it could be the person in the booth at the entrance to your dorm.

Me: The person I walked past to get here?

Res Life Woman: Yes. Did they tell you who they were?

Me: No, they just told me to pick it up.

Res Life Woman: Did you bother to ask?

Me: I had just woken up!

Res Life Woman: Well, next time be sure to ask. Try the booth. Have a nice day.

So, once again, I turned around and walked out, defiantly stealing a piece of bacon as I did. I walked back to my dorm which, because I'm a freshman, is in the middle of nowhere all the way across campus. I walked up to the booth and glared at the guy inside.

Me: I'm Eleanor Nickerson.

Booth Guy: Ok.

Me: I got two calls this morning about having to pick up a package.

Booth Guy: A what?

Me: A package!

Booth Guy: You got a call?

Me: I got two!

Booth Guy: Oh, you mean this one.

At this point he reaches down and pulls out a large box with my name clearly written in my mother's handwriting taped to the top of it. He comes out from behind the booth and hands it to me.

Booth Guy: Here you go. I just wasn't sure what to do with it.

Me: Thanks.

And so now I have the package. And I'm late to class. And I just remembered I have the wrong key to my room. And I still have to get through a set of revolving doors with a large box and a drama book about the size of a hardcover dictionary. Good times. I somehow manage to make it through the doors and up to my suite, desperately hoping at least one of my suitemates is inside as I only have the key to my room inside, not to the suite itself. I ram on the door as loud as I can for about ten minutes, engage in a bit of cursing, and then give up.

And so here I am. Standing in a hallway with large box and a key that won't work. I've spent my whole morning looking for this thing, running around on a totally unnecessary goose chase that ended up ending a minute from my dorm. There was no telling what was inside that box. I had an idea, obviously, I had known that eventually I would be getting a package and knew vaguely what was inside. But how was it all arranged? If I opened it in the hallway, would the entire second floor of my house end up gazing at my underwear? Or was it, perhaps, my sketchbook at the top?

Curiosity is a terrible thing. Curiosity with a sharp, useless key that can tear open a cardboard box in the middle of a hallway is worse.

It's the moment I have it open, of course, to my underwear on top, that my suitemate opens the door. Because that's how things work.

Suitemate: Hey, Nelly, what's, um, going on?

Nelly: Just don't ask.

And so, I kick my box of unmentionables into the common room and then into my room, grab the correct drama book, the key to the suite and immediately head off towards somewhere I'm actually supposed to be going.

The moral? Always wake up before nine. That way, you'll be coherent enough to ask where the hell your package is, and who's calling. It might also be to always have your key with you, but you know, who really knows at this point?



Friday, June 26, 2009

Beat It

Well, Micheal Jackson is dead. It's a sad day, indeed.

As a Blogger, I'm unofficially obligated to write an entry about this. Most are writing tributes, expressing their shock, fondly reminiscing on the influence the infamous prince of pop had on their lives. The world of Blogging is basically nothing but a long series of obituaries, touching eulogies written by people who never actually said a word to him in his life.

Which is my major problem. Michael Jackson has had virtually no influence on my life. I mean, yes, we used to do jazz warm-ups to "Beat It" and "Thriller" back when I took dance, and I always sort of associate at least "Beat It" with Holly Jane Dance Center's old North Hampton studio. Oh, and I suppose I remember being in a play once where we had a dragon randomly breaking out into a rather out of place rendition of "I'm Bad". Oh, and then there was the time my cousin Miriam tried to do the entire thriller dance at a family party, and the time someone lip-synced to the scary spoken part at a friend's birthday party, and the time I saw a documentary on him when I was little and thought he was a woman...

Yeah ok, I lied. Despite wanting to claim that Michael Jackson had no influence on my life, he clearly did. It was small, it wasn't particularly significant, but it was there, lurking in the tiniest details, forgotten about until he made national news. Again.

But, if I can claim even the tiniest bit of significant influence from him, than can't everyone? Micheal Jackson has, as creepy as it is to think, in some form or another, entered the lives of everyone. And I mean everyone, as CNN is currently telling me. The world is mourning Michael Jackson, it doesn't matter where you're from, who you are, whether or not you've heard of him, whether or not you liked him, you're still mourning him.

He really was everyone's favorite child molester.

It's funny how the news is currently portraying him. He was a bit of a joke up until now. He's gone from this deeply disturbing, hopeless, frightening person, to a "tortured genius" His molestation trials are being glossed over in favor of listing the amount of Grammies he's won. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, I mean, we all know he's a scary child molester, we all watched the trials on TV when they happened, it's not like we really need to be reminded that's he's not perfect, right? It's obvious. It's just...interesting. It's interesting how quickly public opinion changes when a person dies. His influence on the music industry had been all but ignored in favor of constant mockery and ridicule, but when he died, he went right back to being the "Prince of Pop". We're, for some reason, absolutely terrified of insulting the dead, and as a result we make saints out of the deceased, no matter what kind of person they were.

Public opinion appears to not be entirely swayed. I put out a request for comments on Facebook asking for opinions on the death. I received the following:

"i find it really weird i didnt think he could die lol thats odd but idk all the plastic made me not think of him as a person (dont mean to sound mean)"
- Wynter Rachel Jordan

"The news broadcast said "Michael Jackson dead at age fifty."
My first thought was "He's fifty?! Oh dear GOD!"
The news of his death was less of a surprise."
- Miriam Rimkunas

"The real shame of it is, he was a real good looking fella."
- Judy Dufour

And, what is quite possibly my favorite, if in somewhat bad taste:

"He's pretty much the biggest creeper I can think of."
- Casey Morrill

So basically, unlike what CNN seems to be saying, people seem slightly unsure of how to react to this. I mean, he was talented, he was the Prince of Pop, but...he was really creepy. Like, really creepy. How do you mourn that? Do you honor him or do you continue to make fun of him? I mean, he's probably the easiest comedy target on the planet, but can you really keep targeting him now that he's gone.

Or is it just that random human fear of insulting the dead talking?

Personally, I think the best way to deal with this is to listen to a copy of "Thriller", and move on. You don't have to do much to honor this guy. Considering how loud and eventful and controversial his life was, how full of mocking and abuse it was, I think the best way to honor him is to take a moment and not insult him. Listen to "Beat It" without making a joke about child pornography. Think of him as a person, and not as a joke. Just for a moment.

Oh, and also take a moment to remember Farrah Fawcett, since she's sort of been getting the shaft for happening to die on the same day as Michael Jackson.

And so, whether you knew him as a charismatic, horribly abused, high pitched, ten-year-old, a talented, chart-topping, flamboyant pop star, or a creepy, eccentric, child-molesting, lawsuit-inducing joke, we bid farewell to the infamous Prince of Pop. Dear Michael, you shall be somewhat inconsistently remembered forever more.

Try not to break Google,


Sunday, June 14, 2009


So I’ve graduated. And turned eighteen. All in one week. I am now a high school graduated, college bound, legal adult.

It is now officially pathetic for me to still watch cartoons.

Despite it being a somewhat monumental birthday, I have to admit, I almost forgot about it. It’s sort of like when you have your birthday right around Christmas, there’s so much going on, and everyone’s scrambling around and buying presents and planning these big events, that your own birthday kind of falls to the side. I mean, it’s not every day you go through a major life transition. Birthdays happen every year, graduation only happens once. Well, high school graduation, at least.

It’s weird, a part of me wants to write this really in-depth, ultra-introspective, sentimental piece for this, like the sort of thing I usually write when major things happen in my life, but for this, it just seems…redundant. I’ve been listening to deep and meaningful speeches about the transition from high school to life, adolescence to adulthood, all those things, for weeks now. Everywhere I went, Six Flags, York Beach, class day, NHTP, the graduation itself, my church, even my sister’s dance recital, everything seems to love to remind you that you’re moving on. I’ve been honored and recognized and handed certificates all week, and now, with everything ending, and all the pomp and circumstance finally over, I feel like everything’s already been said.

I am immensly glad to be done with high school. It hit me on the post-grad boat (a really cool Boston harbor cruise) how utterly releived I am that it’s finally over. After the hellish experience of senior year, the planning, the plotting, the identity issues, the self-deprication, the loss of confidence, the demonic teachers, everything that I’ve been going through this year (which is, admittedly, not that much…) I finally realized that I never have to worry about any of that ever again. It was kind of like achieving an inner peace, except with a bunch of freezing, sleep-deprived teenagers on top of a boat. Everything’s finally over. It’s done. I’m done. I don’t have to worry about any of the stupid things I’d been worrying about throughout this year, I can finally just calm down.

That being said, it’s only beginning to really hit me that I’m no longer a high school student. Everytime that realization has creeped up on me, so far, it’s been a really nice feeling. But for the most part, it still feels like I’m going to have to go back to Wheeler-Smith’s room first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll still have to deal with my intense inadequacy issues while singing next to certain people in Honors Choir, I’ll still have to question my identity in Psychology, I’ll have to endure another pointless assignment in Sci-Fi, and sit through a bunch of jocks refusing to broaden their horizons and actually watch a decent movie in Film Studies. It’s all so familiar, the idiocy, the cruelty, the tediousness, everything I hate about high school. I can’t picture my life without it. Can it really be over? Have I really finally reached that point where I’m able to go leave the stupidity of high school, take away the good things, and move on with them? That’s impossible, it’s unfathomable, It’s…unreal.

How the hell did this happen?

My diploma is sitting on the table in the dining room. It’s simple and elegant, unadorned with any sort of awards or pins or honors society stickers. It just sits there, quietly official. It lacks the sort of accessories associated with someone a bit more high achieving than me, but still acts as a symbol of someone who achieved. It’s a reminder that despite all the angst, all the chaos, all the running and worrying and lack of direction, I somehow still managed to do it. I passed. I finished.

And trust me, though it’s small, that’s an achievement in itself.

And so, as the clock strikes twelve and my birthday officially ends, I’m left sitting here doing what most newly graduated, eighteen-year-olds do, wondering what comes next.

To every graduating senior out there, congratulations. Be proud. You did it. It’s over.

Till next time (which will hopefully be sooner than last time),


Monday, May 04, 2009

Wolverine: A Review-ish Type Thing


So last Friday I had the distinct pleasure of seeing the new Wolverine movie…kinda. I’m not going to lie, I only went because I got invited by my prom date. Although I love the X-Men movies, and really, just the X-Men in general, I didn’t have high hopes for this one. The idea of taking the most popular character out of a series that is itself massively popular and giving him his own movie, to me, just seemed kind of contrived. Like it was just a way for the studio to suck as much money out of the franchise as they possibly could. A little research revealed that Hugh Jackman, Wolverine himself, was apparently all for this movie, and it’s been carefully in the works for a while. Go figure. I still probably wouldn’t have seen it in theaters had I not been invited by the guy taking me to prom.

That being said, the movie itself is…decent. It’s not bad. It’s strength is definitely it’s action sequences, which combine kick ass special effects with some pretty cool uber-action music, all of which never really gets boring because they usually blow something up about halfway in. The only issue with these otherwise cool and epic scenes, is the fact that nine times out of ten, they feature the immortal, indestructible Logan, AKA Wolverine, fighting for his life against the also immortal and indestructible Victor, AKA Sabertooth, neither of which, being the nature of immortal and indestructible things, can be hurt or killed. What are we supposed to worry about?

Sabertooth: HA! I have given you a mortal wound with my visually impressive martial arts abilities!

Wolverine: Oh no! Hold on a second…

[Five Seconds Later]

Wolverine: It’s ok! I’m all better! I shall now give you a mortal wound with my equally impressive, though slightly sexier martial arts abilities!

Sabertooth: AH! Ow. Geez, hold on a second.

[Five Seconds Later]

Sabertooth: Ok, I’m all better! I shall now give you yet another mortal wound with my still visually impressive and high choreographed martial arts abilities! HA!!

Wolverine: AHHH!

And thus the cycle continues for about twenty more minutes till someone comes and blows up a building and we run away towards the next part of the plot. Hooray. A totally tension-free action fight scene. I just love having no concern whatsoever for any of the characters I’m supposed to be rooting for.

I mean, even in the final battle, when we add the apparently deadly Weapon X into the mix of fighting, we end up with not two, but three immortal, indestructible people battling it out while millions of dollars worth of special effects try to make us worry about it. Seriously? Who thought this would work? Why should we care that they’re trying to kill each other when clearly none of them will be able to do it since none of them are able to die? Why?!

To their credit, they tried to write it off by implying that if you chopped Wolverine’s head off he would, actually, be dead. But they never really make that clear. They show Weapon X being ordered to decapitate him, but they never really outright tell you that it will kill him. Maybe this is because I’ve only read about two of the comic books, but is it common knowledge that decapitation kills Wolverine?

Watch it have been in the previous three X-Men movies. That would be just my luck.

Anyway, aside from the dramatically under-dramatic action sequences, the film did, in fact, have a plot. Or at least, it tried to. We open in some non-descript roughly nineteenth century-ish time period that Wikipedia states is 1845, in which some remarkably boring family drama is going on between this sickly kid, this taller kid, some guy who’s not sure how to make himself sound old fashioned without trying to be British, and a bunch of loud people downstairs. The scene gets a bit better when we go downstairs and the sickly kid sprouts skeletal claws from his knuckles and kills someone who just before dying informs him he’s his father. This somehow makes the two kids, sickly-claw-sprouting kid and needs-some-more-lines kid, brothers, which apparently bonds them together forever. Cue some internal anguish, a montage of them growing up throughout history, and of course, the opening credits.

The film kind of glosses over his childhood, as it didn’t include Hugh Jackman, and cuts to two brothers being offered a job on some special mutant taskforce thingy. As with most special mutant taskforce thingies, Hugh eventually comes to the realization that they are EVIL, and tries to get his brother to leave with him, else he succumb to his deep, dark, animalistic nature and become a monster. Or something. Naturally, finding evil much cooler than what is apparently the alternative, becoming a lumberjack in Canada, Hugh’s brother refuses and the two part with just a hint of animosity between them.

Meanwhile, in Canada, Hugh the lumberjack, now going by “Logan” leads a happy, peaceful life with his new, hotter-than-hot, mythology expert girlfriend who not only likes to constantly remind him that he is “not an animal” but likes to tell him ancient native stories that totally don’t foreshadow his eventual alias. She is then killed by his brother, who just to bring back that whole “animal” thing again, kills some sort of woodland creature as well, and we are thus treated to another moment of internal anguish.

The rest of the movie is basically him trying to get revenge on his brother. I think. This involves turning your skeleton into metal, running naked through a barn, stealing a dead farmer’s motorcycle, fighting your brother, going to a bar, meeting Gambit AKA: THE BEST FREAKING CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE, going to an island, meeting your ex-boss, freeing a bunch of mutants, fighting your brother, discovering that your hotter-than-hot girlfriend deceived you and is still alive, fighting your brother, fighting some evil mutant thing, fighting with your brother, fighting your brother, missing Patrick Stewart’s cameo, getting shot, getting your memory erased, and eventually walking off into the distance with Gambit who despite being amazing is never seen in this franchise again.

And yeah, that’s pretty much it.

But seriously, why didn’t Gambit get more screen time?? He was easily the best part of the movie, certainly the most interesting character. They should have given him his own movie! I mean, look at this! Is this not the epitome of epic?!


Anyway, so all and all, it wasn’t a terrible movie. It wasn’t the greatest movie I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t terrible. The effects were good, and Hugh Jackman was good, as always, as well as whoever played Gambit. The story could have been a bit more interesting. They tried to throw in some deeper meaning with the whole “am I an animal or am I a man?” conflict, which never really made much sense to me as it seemed to come out of nowhere. I mean, yeah, their mutations kind of made them look like animals, sort of, but where does it say that dooms you to have the nature of one as well? I mean, it’s not like anyone ever told him “Logan, you’re an animal” and by about halfway through the movie, he’s pretty much put the conflict aside anyway and just focuses on revenge. So why did they need it? It clearly didn’t have that much of an effect on him, since he never mentions it himself. It’s just other people telling him “you are not an animal” every five seconds. It’s like the writers wrote the script and then went “Wait! We have no inner conflict! Let’s add one in at the last second!” and just sort of stuck it in there. But whatever. It didn’t hurt the film, it just got annoying after a while.

And there you have it, my thoughts on Wolverine. Join us next time when I review my latest prom-date-related movie spree, Star Trek.

Remember, you are not an animal,


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Shakespeare Day

“The play’s the thing wherein I’ll catch the conscious of a king.”

Well, today is Shakespeare’s birthday. Or at least, we think today is Shakespeare’s birthday. Apparently, no one is really sure when he was born, only that he was baptized on the 26th, and at some point someone just randomly decided to celebrate it on the 23rd. Go figure. It also happens to be the day he died, which makes the 23rd a handy all around life-and-death-of-Shakespeare celebration. Convenient, no?

Shakespeare was born in 1564…probably. Which would make him around 445, and would cost a fortune in birthday candles. I have a feeling I’d be pretty tired if I was 445, tired and a bit grouchy, so if you haven’t seen him around lately, you’re probably not missing much. After all, “Crabbed age and youth cannot live together,” according to my Shakespeare quotations book, so if you ever happen to see him, give him some space.

Last year I spent the day at the Folger Shakespeare Library in Washington DC, which was more awesome than words can really describe. Seeing shows, watching swordfights, checking out an authentic first folio, reading a monologue onstage, MEETING DEREK JACOBI, it was a good day. If you want to hear about, scroll through my entries from last April, I believe it’s called “ZOMG TEH YANA MASTER!!!”

This year, I’m celebrating by driving around southern New Hampshire. I have a show at Newfields Elementary at around one, followed almost directly after by a show at the River Run Bookstore in downtown Portsmouth at three. This was after I met two of my friends for an utterly random “lets-make-pancakes-and-talk-about-prom” moment, and before I have to somehow make it to the Senior “Movie-and-Free-Chinese-Food” Night at my school. I know the latter two don’t really have much to do with Shakespeare, but you know, its not my fault the world doesn’t seem to realize what day it is.

I’m really excited for the two shows. The first one’s being done for elementary school students (I think, like Kindergarten – 5th Grade, maybe?) so it’s focusing mainly on Shakespeare’s comedies. I’m playing Antipholus of Syracuse in a scene from Comedy of Errors (“Why, but there’s many a man hath more hair than wit!”) and Robin Starveling AKA Moonshine in a scene from A Midsummer Night’s Dream (“All I have to say is, the lanthorn is the moon, I the man’o’the moon, the thorn bush is the thorn bush, and the dog is the dog!”) I was supposed to do Lady Macbeth as well (“Unsex me here, and fill me from crown to toe, top full of direst cruelty!”) but the principle vetoed it. It would have been alright if I didn’t start evoking the powers of darkness to “come to my woman’s breasts and take my milk for gall” about halfway through. But you know, whatever.

The second show, oddly the more lighthearted of the two, has a much broader focus and touches on drama just as much as comedy. It’s also a series of scenes, but it’s more…rehearsed? We have a full script with individual parts separate from our scenes, which is basically just witty banter to keep the energy up. It starts with this professor coming in to read a ridiculously boring paper on Shakespeare to the audience at the store, only to be interrupted by a group of rowdy, hyper, young actors who decide to show her how Shakespeare should be presented, through performance. It’s fun; I get to do a lot of jumping around and making loud noises with a horn. And I get to be Lady Macbeth, which is pretty awesome.

So basically, I’m celebrating Shakespeare’s birthday by running around and performing his works. It’s appropriate, I think, and a hell of a lot more fun than sitting in school and writing a paper on him. Which is what I did yesterday. But we won’t go there.

I’ll leave you with this:

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.”

- As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII

Go see some Shakespeare, people. If not, read it aloud. Just do something.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends,


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Quick Note...

I don't really have time for a full entry, expect something more later. But for the moment...

Doctor Who.

Sting rays.


I would have posted a picture, but I honestly couldn't make it through the first page on Google Image Search. I hate stingrays. I've always hated stingrays. I will never like stingrays, and nothing can ever change that. The fact that they showed up on my favorite show as deadly, flying aliens with giant razor sharp teeth that could devour you in seconds is not helping the fact that I hate/loath/am-utterly-terrified-of anything resembling a stingray.


Just so you know, I will be having nightmares about this. Seriously, whatever happened to the days when Doctor Who aliens were just guys running around in poorly made rubber suits?

*shutters again* I hate stingrays. I just needed to say that.

See ya,


Tuesday, April 07, 2009

The Youth Behavior Survey

...in which I am reminded just how boring an individual I really am.

Seriously, I just spent ten minutes checking off "I have never had sexual intercourse" on at least twenty different questions. It's great that somewhere, someone is interested in really understanding teenagers, but to be honest, there has to be a better way to do this. We may seem like we're all drugs, alcohol and sex, and know that some of us really are, but for the rest of us, tests like this just make us angry, and annoyed, and embarassed that this is what the world thinks of our age group.

So, in light of this, if I were to create a youth behavioral survey for the type of people I hang around with, here's a sample of how it would go:

1.) About how often do realize you have two papers due on the same day and rehearsal till 9:30 PM?

A.) Never
B.) Rarely
C.) Sometimes
D.) Kind of occasionally

2.) On the average day, how often do you actually pay attention in Science Fiction class?

A.) Always
B.) Mostly
C.) Occasionally
D.) Rarely
E.) I take Science Fiction?

3.) About how often do you doodle on important educational documents? (also called notes, tests, worksheets, health forms, rubrics, and dead trees)

A.) Never
B.) Rarely
C.) Sometimes
D.) Frequently
E.) I can't answer, I'm drawing a puppy...

4.) Out of the following, what best describes the type of doodling you have partaken
within the last 30 days?

A.) Spaceships
B.) Aliens
C.) Cute fuzzy animals
D.) Funny pictures of your friends
E.) Didn't I just say I don't doodle?

The following questions refer to your individual interests in regards to popular culture.

1.) About how often do you watch American Idol?

B.) Frequently
C.) Sometimes
D.) Rarely
E.) What's American Idol?

2.) About how many times did you see The Dark Knight?

A.) 0
B.) 1
C.) 2
D.) 3
E.) I lost count at 50

3.) Are you aware that Hannah Montanna and Miley Cyrus are the same person?

A.) Duh
B.) No kidding
C.) Couldn't care less
D.) I've never heard of either

4.) About how often do you engage in Twilight-related activities? (reading the books, watching the movie, fangirling the internet, stalking the actors, ect.)

A.) Never
B.) Occasionally
C.) Sometimes
D.) Why do I care?

And...as the bell's just rang, that's all I can give you. It's just a sample, but I think it could be quite effective.

See ya,


Sunday, March 29, 2009

Delaying Tomorrow

Right, so I have vast, unending amounts of homework I should be doing, so naturally I’m completely ignoring it to watch something stupid. I won’t mention what stupid thing I’m watching, exactly, but anyone that knows me well enough will know it’s one of two things they may or may not be thinking.

…that whole paragraph made a lot more sense in my head.

Anyway, I spent the weekend in a car, which despite being sort of uncomfortable was a hell of a lot more interesting than watching Gundam SEED. It basically consisted of my mother and myself desperately trying to navigate through three different states in an attempt to get to Massapequa, only to discover the complete lack of turn signals on Long Island. We also discovered that pretty much all roads end up leading to Jones Beach, but that no amount of obscure modern swing music can disguise how unbelievably lost you are. Especially in Long Island. Because everything is more confusing in Long Island.

It was Admitted Students Day at Hofstra where they basically gather us all into a big room and try to impress us with their powerpoint skills. This is followed by an actual information panel, in which they congratulate you, try to confuse you, scare you, make you feel all proud of yourself, scare you again, show you some video which is supposed to inspire you to “find your edge” and then finally, mercifully, tell you where the bathrooms are.

It was here my ADD started to kick in and I found myself desperately wanting to doodle on the official Hofstra memo pad they gave us in our official Hofstra backpacks. I’m not sure why I didn’t, as they did include an official Hofstra pen as well as plenty of official Hofstra promotional material with pictures of official Hofstra students to draw equally official Hofstra mustaches on. I guess I was trying to behave.

So then I decided it would be nice to actually learn something about what I intend to study, as the focus of Hofstra appears to be on the Honors College which I am not only painfully under qualified for, but also completely and utterly uninterested in. So I trudged across campus to a random building next to a parking lot which turned out to house this really nice little black box theater on the second floor. The theater department seemed really nice, lots of friendly people, but who weren’t afraid to not sugar coat exactly how challenging, not just the program, but the field itself really is. I have a feeling I’m going to like the department a lot, and considering all my misgivings about life in general as of late, it was nice to have a good feeling about where I was going.

After some rather extensive navigation in which I managed to find every building on campus except the one I was looking for, I eventually managed to reunite with my mother. This was after I was hounded by about three different sororities and a group of sports players (I’m not sure exactly what sport they represented…lacrosse, maybe?) all of which I managed to somehow escape from fairly quickly. It’s a very aggressive school, Hofstra. It seems likes there’s someone trying to recruit you around every possible corner. I suppose that’s normal, for a college, but still…I’m already going there, do they really need to try and convince me further?

Oh look, it’s already midnight. I don’t really want to go to sleep yet because I don’t really want tomorrow to come anytime soon. Again, I did absolutely none of my piles of homework due tomorrow, and despite the fact that I have almost three free periods, I’m unbelievably lazy. Chances are, I’ll try to get some work done but end up talking to my friends and doing nothing. I have so much due and nothing done, and well…why would I want it to be tomorrow? I know I can’t really stop tomorrow coming by not sleeping, and I realize I’ll eventually have to deal with the fact that I’m an unbelievable procrastinator who would rather watch stupid YouTube videos than actually do what I’m supposed to do. I know I’ll have to face up to it all, but for the moment, I’m good just sitting here and enjoying the bit of my weekend that wasn’t spent sitting in a car.

Also, I’d like to publicly state, once again, that I am not interested in Twilight. I realize that I’m a teenage girl, and that every law of the universe states that I should want to have Edward Cullen’s babies, but…I don’t. I thought the constantly being asked if I wanted to pre-order the DVD would stop once the movie finally freaking came out, but now I’m just getting asked if I want to buy it right at that moment. I mean, honestly, if I really wanted to buy Twilight right at that moment, don’t you think I would be buying Twilight and not the Doctor Who book I’ve clearly got in my hand, with the money to pay for it right in front of you. Seriously, I’m not stupid. I’m not so blinded by my undying love for Edward that I can’t find the unreasonably large Twilight display at the front of the store. If I really wanted it, I’d have it.

It’s one of those moments I really resent being in the target demographic.

So, now it’s nearly one and I’m still awake. I’m supposed to get up at five tomorrow, but I think I’ll sleep in an extra hour to get a grand total of five hours of sleep as opposed to four. I know, big difference, right? But my psychology class is keeping a sleep chart right now, where we’re supposed to record how many hours we sleep every night. I’m hoping five hours will look slightly better than four. Maybe.

I should probably stop Blogging and go to bed.

Night everyone,


[UPDATE: Ugh...it's two days later and I'm only just reading this again, I'm already into my third time at the edit button. Always proofread your entries before putting them up at one in the morning...]

Monday, March 23, 2009

My Evening With Gundam

Yeah. That Gundam.

I recently had the interesting experience of being asked/told/forced to watch the first two disks of Gundam SEED, which is apparently the ninth incarnation of the Gundam series. That’s right, there are nine of these, and apparently, there’s more where that came from. They all sort of center around these giant battle robot things called, you guessed it, Gundams, which are used to fight various wars throughout the unbelievably long run of the series.

Basically, Gundam SEED goes like this:

  • Shy, genetically engineered college student Kira (not to be confused with “Kira” the murderer from Death Note) lives a peaceful life in some random neutral colony where they have apparently managed to remain blissfully unaware that an epic robot war is happening all around them.
  • Kira and his two friends, whose names I conveniently forgot, go to school only to discover that, yes, there is in fact an epic robot war going on, and that it has finally come to get them.
  • There is a lot of panicked running from robots, during which Kira spots some random girl in a hat, assumes she’s a guy, and decides to run through the warzone to go after her.
  • Her lack of hat suddenly reveals she’s a girl.
  • In a startling moment of rather fantastic sexism, Kira insists she be allowed to enter the shelter rather than him because she’s “just a girl,” despite her being around the same age as he is, if not older. Clearly, his testosterone gives him the power to defy giant robots.
  • Kira does a lot of running.
  • Kira finds a random woman in the rubble who immediately gets injured and drags him into a giant Gundam. Why she does this, we may never know.
  • The woman, despite apparently being a highly trained army officer, has trouble piloting the Gundam for no adequately explained reason, leaving Kira to pilot it in her place. Needless to say, he is inexplicably gifted at flying it.
  • Kira does some epic robot stuff, during which I wander off to get an apple. I believe there were explosions.
  • Meanwhile, in a completely different part of plot, there’s a bunch of people on a spaceship that looks suspiciously like the Death Star. Some woman with really short hair takes command, and some guy who I suspect to be the Phantom of the Opera tries to “feel” things. A good time is had by all.
  • Kira discovers that his long lost friend/lover/life partner Athrum has become a soldier for the opposite site of the war. The two must fight each other, but for some reason, don’t.
  • A lot of stock footage is thrown around, and Kira has a flashback.
  • Highly trained Earth officer woman goes psycho and insists that Kira and his nameless friends stay with her at all times since they’ve seen the Gundam. They are no longer allowed to leave where ever it is they are. Why she doesn’t just kill them, we may never know.
  • The giant robot does something.
  • More things explode.

And…um, that’s basically it. For now. I still have a two more episodes and a whole other disk to get through. God help me.

Watch out for the robot,


Monday, March 09, 2009

Of Letters And Plushies

Psst...I’m not dead!

Once again, I have managed to ignore my Blog for a rather unbelievable amount of time….or, like a month. Really, I’ve failed to update for far longer, but I actually got a complaint this time, so I figured I should probably get my act together and throw something mildly interesting up.

So here it is.

What have I been up to in my rather-long-but-not-really-all-that-long absence? Well, a lot has, in fact, happened, to the point where I think I started avoided posting purely because there was so much to say. So, because I’m lazy, here’s a nice little list of my life since my rather vague and not particularly noteworthy Yu-Gi-Oh entry:

1.)Joseph And The Amazingly Long Title – Despite nearly three quarters of the cast falling ill over the course of one tech week, the play managed to turn out to be pretty freaking awesome. I mean, I hope it was awesome, It was unbelievably fun to do, and even now, a month later, I still miss it. It was the play that sort of restored my confidence in myself, which I had pretty much lost over the course of the school year. I mean, it did for a little while, then I lost it again, regained it again, lost it again, and eventually sort of got it back enough to write a relatively pointless blog entry. But we’ll get to that later.

2.)The Emo Notebook of Death – I managed to become addicted to Death Note over the course of my vacation. I read all twelve volumes in four days, then I started watching the anime, and now I really want an L plushie. Or a Ryuk plushie. But that’s mainly so I can claim I have a stuffed Japanese death god. Seriously, how cool would that be?

3.)I Attempt to Take Manhattan – And ultimately, I fail. Basically, I ran out of time and my Marymount audition suffered. I had only one song, a monologue that was woefully unrehearsed, and a completely random inability to dance which is especially odd since I did take ten years of dance…but anyway, it didn’t really work out. I got into the school itself, though, which was also odd considering my grades are rather atrocious. Despite this, this would be the moment my confidence died. Again.

4.)Very Something Auburn Hair – In my utter despair at not getting into the Marymount drama department, I fled to my friend Natasha’s (freaking out my parents, who apparently thought I had gone to jump off a bridge or something) I would like to publicly thank Natasha for putting up with me, and for giving me an alternative to jumping off a bridge; dying my hair. Yes! No longer am I the blond I have been for the past two years, I am now “Very something Auburn” (We can’t quite remember what the actual color is…) All and all, I’m not sure about it. I like the color, Natasha did a fantastic job dying it, no one’s told me it looks ridiculous yet, but…maybe I just need to get used to it. A part of me misses the blond. A part of me now wants to dye my hair green. Go figure.

5.)Safety School Reject – Around this time, I discovered that my safety school, U Maine Orono, which two of my cousins go to, both my parents went to, half my aunts and uncles went to, really the school I had more connections to than any one person without billions of dollars should have had decided they didn’t want me. Despite having been technically accepted academically to my top choice “reach” school that all odds said I shouldn’t have been able to get into, this still managed to make me feel more than a bit inadequate.

6.)Disney Musicals Are Surprisingly Cool – Somewhere in the middle of all of this, I managed to catch The Little Mermaid on Broadway. Why isn’t this further up on the list near the rest of my New York trip? I forgot. Anyway, it turns out that despite my initial reluctance to see yet another movie turned into a musical (seriously, they have a Shrek the Musical, Shrek the freaking Musical!) it turned out to be really good. The sets were amazing, the different ways they managed to convey being underwater…it was just really cool to watch. And I want to play Ursula. Like, really. Really, really. Really, really, really. So…um, there.

7.)Epic Existential Crisis Is Epic – Meanwhile, my internal crisis apparently dubbed “existential” by my cousin Miriam continues to be annoying. Seriously, as light hearted as I’m making it sound, I was fairly depressed for about a week or so there, especially after the Marymount thing…which was then followed by the whole Orono thing. I was just generally not feeling particularly great about myself. I was pretty sure I was terrible at everything; anything I used to think I was even remotely good at I decided I had been wrong about. It was basically an extension of the lack of confidence I’d had for most of the school year, but randomly magnified.

8.)Facebook Experiences This Blog – I finally got around to uploading this Blog to my Facebook profile. Not really a big feat, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

9.)Red-haired Wonder Woman – Around this time, school started up again, and with school came auditions for the senior play. Fortunately, I rather miraculously had enough time to do it, unfortunately, the audition was entirely improv games. I don’t usually mind improv games, I’m somewhat decent at them in general, but when I’m in school, with the rest of the school’s drama department watching me, I’m more than a bit useless. Really, it was terrible. I just…I don’t know what it is, I just freeze up. Somehow, I did manage to get a part, I’m Queen Amazane of the island of Amazonia…basically, I’m Wonder Woman. I don’t show up till the very end of the play, but I get to be an Amazon queen, so it’s still pretty awesome. Unfortunately, because I’m an idiot, this did nothing to help my lack of self-esteem, and I briefly slipped back into my emo/existential crisis/WTF mindset.

10.)The Impossible Begins – Casey gets accepted into Johnson and Wales with a $5,000 scholarship! As a culinary arts student, this is apparently the equivalent of getting into Harvard. She had previously only applied to see if she could get in, not actually expecting to, and was planning on simply framing the letter if she did. However, SHE GOT IN!!! =D =D It was a truly epic moment, like really. CONGRATULATIONS CASEY!!

11.)The Impossible Continues – Shortly after Casey’s EPIC NEWS OF EPICNESS, or at least, about ten hours later, I happened to receive a small, thin letter from Hofstra University. Expecting it to be some sort of rejection letter, or yet another letter alerting me that they had received my transcripts, I rather uncaringly opened it while my parents were watching 80’s music videos. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was not a rejection letter, or another pointless transcript alert, but an award.

Yes, somehow I have managed to receive a $5000 academic scholarship to Hofstra University.

ZOMG WTF???!!!!!


*lots and lots of excited jumping and things falling over*

So, basically, despite all the angst, and the emo-ness, and the existential crisis, and the rejection, and the acceptance, and the continued rejection, and the singing mermaids, and killer notebooks, and the Amazon queens, and the spontaneous red hair, and the continued lack of a Japanese death god plushie, I have, in fact, gotten into college.

I’M GOING TO COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that’s where I’ve been. =D

Till next time,


Sunday, February 01, 2009

Stress, Insomnia, and Yu-Gi-Oh

So tomorrow I to write a huge paper for AP Lit, I have a doctor’s appointment, and rehearsal till 8:30. I also have to complete a giant Psychology packet and somehow finish reading my book for Sci-Fi as well as finish my script for Film.

Yeah, story of my life.

Anyway, it’ll get finished…somehow. I always manage it. Sort of. Kind of. Actually, there are quite a few occasions when I don’t pull it off, but I’ve never missed an AP Lit paper, so I’m sure I can finish everything else as well. I hope.

At the moment, I’m completely ignoring all of it, and watching Yu-Gi-Oh. For some reason. Really, don’t ask me why, it just happened. You know how sometimes you just suddenly have an inexplicable urge to do something really random and probably stupid? Well, that’s me. At the moment, some random person who looks about my sister’s age is staring in amazement as Yugi (or Yami, it’s pretty vague) manages to draw a really powerful card at a critical moment. Apparently that’s only something really impressive people can do. Personally, I’d chalk it up to dumb luck, but since I don’t actually believe in luck, and Yugi’s probably done some vaguely mystical Egyptian thing to make it cool, I should probably just be quiet and keep writing.

Oh great, now they’ve stolen some random other guy’s soul. Damn.

So apparently, the Superbowl was tonight, something I rather spectacularly managed not to realize since I’ve been spending most of my time in a church trying to remember 28 different colors in perfect sequential order. I’ve come to the conclusion that Tim Rice hated actors, and decided while writing the Joseph lyrics to punish them by writing that stupid color song. Don’t get me wrong, I love this play, I love the part I’m playing, and I love pretty much every song in it. But seriously? 28 colors? And they’re really weird colors like ochre and fawn. What is fawn? I thought it was a deer. Clearly, I was mistaken.

Oh, but I was talking about the Superbowl, wasn’t I? I honestly don’t have much to say about it. I don’t even remember what teams were playing. How sad is that? I know they weren’t the Patriots, which is probably I didn’t hear about it. I’m not exactly a football fan, so I only ever know when it’s on through word of mouth, and when no one’s talking about it because it’s New England and the New England team isn’t in it, I guess I don’t hear about it.

Why did I mention it then? I don’t know. I just did. It was mainly to bring up something to talk about, since I really don’t have much. My life’s in pretty much the same place it was last time I wrote, I’m just a bit calmer about it. I think. It’s hard to tell. One day I’m calm, the next day I’m a complete mess. I suppose it comes with the territory when you’re seventeen. Still, at least I’m not playing a card game with myself, like Yugi appears to be…I think. God, there really is no end to how bizarre, confusing, and stupid this show is?

So why am I still watching? God knows.

Oh, I get it. Ok, one of the Yugis is Yugi’s dark side, so he’s fighting his inner demons or something. Wow, deep. Kind of. Not really. I mean, it would be deep and thought provoking if they weren’t playing a children’s card game in the middle of a random desert somewhere in the Midwest.

But, since I’m bored, I’m going to make this thought provoking anyway. If I was forcedto fight my inner demons in some way, how would it happen? What would it be like?

Well, it definitely wouldn’t involve Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Let’s start with that.

It could involve different cards, I suppose, like Uno cards, or something. Yeah, that might cool. A really epic game of Uno. No…wait, that might get a bit boring after a while. I’ve played really, unbelievably long games of Uno that essentially lead to nothing. Not really the kind of thing you’d want when fighting your inner demons. I’d probably end up doing it mainly with words anyway, if I had to use cards, we’d abandon them after the first minute or so. If my inner demons are as ADD as I am, there’s no way we’d have the attention span for Uno.

So, I guess, a verbal duel with my own dark side would have to go something like this:

Me: What the hell?

Dark-Me: I’m your inner demons. Hello.

Me: Hello.

Dark-Me: I’m the part of you that’s sure you’re not going to get into college, thinks you suck at life, constantly compares you other people, and constantly questions everything you thought you knew about yourself.

Me: Dude, that sucks.

Dark-Me: I know, it’s a pretty annoying gig, to be honest.

Me: I would imagine.

Dark-Me: So…um, you fail. At everything. How’s it feel to know that?

Me: Well, I…er, wasn’t exactly aware of that before now.

Dark-Me: Oh, really?

Me: Yeah, I was pretty sure there were a few things I didn’t entirely suck at.

Dark-Me: Oh…well, I guess you’re right. Maybe. Sort of.

Me: Yeah…

Dark-Me: So…

Me: Can I go to rehearsal now?

Dark-Me: Oh yeah, go right ahead. I’ll just go back to living in the back of your mind, or something.

Me: Sounds good.

And that’d pretty much be it. Pretty anti-climactic if you ask me. Nothing like what happens in anime, which is probably a good thing. It must get tiring shouting all the time and invoking bizarre, over-dramatic poses. Not that I don’t do that kind of thing on a regular basis anyway, but it’s usually for more of a purpose than to announce that I’m leaving to go to the supermarket or something.

But…so, yeah. That’s pretty much what’s up with me now. I’m in a weird time right now. I’ve got this very thin veil of being ok on right now, with all that uncertainty and angst churning underneath it. I’m slowly getting better, but I think it may take a while before I’m fully ok again. I’ll let you know.

For now though, I think I’ll go to bed. I may not sleep, but at least I’ll be in bed. Remember, never agree to duel yourself in a children’s card game, and on the off-chance you do, never accidentally steal someone else’s soul. Ok? Good.

Happy Superbowl Sunday, everyone. May whatever team you’re rooting for win.


Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Amazing Disapearing Reapearing Blogger

Well, it's about time.

I was, I promise, going to write a really, ridiculously epic entry for the new year. Like, really, I had it planned! I was a long, brilliant, thought provoking, shiny new entry going through the months of 2008 and stating my general observations. I even did research. It was going to be brilliant, really, I promise.

You see, it all started when I got home from my New Year's excursion to Maine. I was just about to head to the computer when these GIANT FREAKING ALIENS showed up out of nowhere! They were all "take me to your leader, human scum," and I was all, "which leader, the current one or the leader elect?" and they were all, "which ever one we can deliver a message of the destruction of earth to," and I was all "well, the leader elect has better communication skills," and they were all, "sweet, lets go." And that's when I found myself on this epic chase to track down Barack Obama with an entire hoard of aliens, only I didn't want them to get to him, since they were planning on killing the earth and everything. So I partnered with a bunch of human slaves and a few dinosaurs from Future War and together we staged a full-scale rebellion on our alien overlords, which culminated in me having to press a deadly button that would destroy two worlds at once and leave me the last living human being in the galaxy. So, rather than do that, I decided to become a hitchhiker, leave the aliens and the dinosaurs to kill themselves, and find my way back to Earth the old fashioned way.

Needless to say, that took a while. And now I'm here.


...well, maybe not.

But the real reason for my lack of available blogging time is exciting!

Rather than acting as a double agent aboard an alien spaceship, I've been at rehearsal. What else is new, right? But! What rehearsal was it? The answer is simple, at first. In December I auditioned for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, a show in desperate need of a catchier name, and despite all my misgivings about my singing ability, and my recent rather spectacular collapse in confidence (thank you Wheeler-Smith) I somehow managed to get in. And, not only did I manage to get in, but...


Well, I'm half the Narrator. As is apparently typical with this show, the role of the narrator has been split in two. But you know, I could care less, because seriously, I'M THE NARRATOR!!! I have wanted this part since I saw the Donny Osmond movie version when I was around seven. My friends remember sitting there watching it with me while I, rather wistfully, said "I would love to play that part someday..." And now...I've got it. It's bizarre, and spectacular, and slightly scary. But...OH MY GOD I'M THE NARRATOR!!!

So, um...needless to say, I've sort of been spending every free moment of my life at rehearsal for that. And studying for midterms. And applying to college. And trying to not fail Spanish.

Oh! And while I'm announcing exciting parts, I also recently got my role in Hamlet. I'm Rosencrantz! As in, like, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern! Not a huge part, but a fun one, so I'm equally as excited about it. I haven't started rehearsals for that yet, so there's not much to report, but I'll keep you posted.

As for the whole New Year thing, it's wierd. January brings me frighteningly closer to my college application deadline, and the closer I get, the more my grades seem to be dropping. It occured to me only minutes after midnight that it was 2009, which I've been told my entire life would be the year I would graduate. It's strange, 2009 was always this sort of mythic year, the year we were told our lives would change, the year my baby sister turns ten, the year our president changes, it was always so far away. And now, here it is. Here I am. A high school senior looking towards college. Nearly 18 years old.

When did that happen?

It's terrifying. I am absolutely, legitametly terrified I won't get into college. My grades are not the greatest, some are decent, and some are very, very bad. I've never been very good at managing time, constantly over-booking myself, constantly out of focus, a procrastinator. This reflects itself in my GPA, which I thought I would bring up this year by not taking any math or science courses, which are typically what bring down my GPA. But, this year has been insane. AP Lit, Advanced Spanish, more enrichment classes than I probably need, combined with a play that nearly killed me and an evil radioactive spider demon for an AP teacher...I just, I haven't had time. For anything. I haven't been able to put all my energy into one specific thing. Everyone around me says "give this your all," but you can't do that when you're trying to do the same thing everywhere else. You end up with pieces of yourself scattered around, half-finished assignments, effort-lacking papers, barely memorized lines, still unfinished applications. A little bit of you is everywhere, but you're never able to stand in one place.

And I can see this effecting me. My acting is suffering, despite the dream role in Joseph, I'm just not feeling it as much. I can't get fully into a part because somewhere, a part of me is still off trying to figure out what leadership qualities I'd bring to Keane State University. I'm simultaneously defining the Buddhist interpretation of the afterlife, memorizing a sonnet, writing a paper on the theme of isolation in the works of Hawthorne, worrying about my GPA, yelling at myself for not doing that Spanish project, trying to learn 28 consecutive colors in perfect sequential order, building an enchanted rose, and somewhere, someone is telling me to give it my all.

Nothing in my life is consistant. Half my SAT scores say I'm decent, my math scores say I'm an idiot. One director thinks I'm great, another one can't remember who I am. I don't know what I am. I don't know if I'm smart, if I'm average, if I'm talented, if I'm mediocre, I don't know. And that scares me, because colleges want people that are exceptional, they want people who are different from the average, people who stand out, and I...I can't even stand in one place.

This year is terrifying. Some fantastic things are happening, but at the same time there's this unbelievable fear hanging over it. This might not be happening. I may not get to leave my home this fall, I may still be in the same place I am now, desperately trying to scrape my way through community college to get to where I want.

It's like It's A Wonderful Life. I may end up like George Baily, perpetually stuck in the same place, watching as everyone he knows gets to go off and see the world, while he remains in Bedford Falls. And, yes, I know the point is that George lived a great life despite this, but...it's not the life I want. I don't know why, it just isn't. And, I'm sure it's just me being young and restless or something, young and stupid, but I don't want to be George Baily.

Everything's so uncertain right now. I have no future, nothing to look towards, nothing to make me excited for the end of high school. And as my grades keep falling, I keep worrying. Even at this moment, I should be finishing comparative religions terms, looking up monologues for my college audition, finding songs, filming a Spanish project, finishing Metamorphosis, and...I don't even know anymore. I just wish I knew where I was going. I wish I could go and do one thing without worrying about seven others as I'm doing it. I wish I could pull it together.

And I started this entry on such a happy note.

I apologize to you, those who read this Blog, for pouring out all my angst unexpectedly like that. And, in general, on this Blog. I should be immensely happy right now, I have a part I've always dreamed of. Thousands of people go through this, millions of teenagers. Everyone gets over-booked, and has too much to think about, and yet...other people seem to handle it fine. Why can't I seem to handle anything?

Again, I'm sorry for the angst. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Happy New Year everyone, may it be an improvement on the old one.