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Friday, November 20, 2009

Nelly Writes Bad Fanfiction (or "Nelly Loses a Bet")

So, some how or another, over the course of my adventures on the internet, I was tagged to do this fanfiction meme.

Yeah, that's right. A fanfiction meme.

For those of you who aren't aware, a meme can be many things. In this case, a meme is basically a challenge. If you are "tagged" meaning, if your name is one the list of people at the bottom of the post, it means you have to complete the challenge.

What did this mean for me? This meant I had to sit down and write fanfiction. And it was bad. Very bad. A terrifying, frightening experience beyond all sense of logical reason.

But was also kind of fun.

Anyway, this was my challenge:

1. Write down the names of 10 characters.
2. Write a fic of fifteen words or less for every prompt, using the characters determined by the numbers. Do NOT read the prompts before you do step 1.

Here were the characters I chose:

1.) The Tenth Doctor – Doctor Who
2.) Billy/Dr. Horrible – Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog
3.) Donna Noble – Doctor Who
4.) Greg House – House
5.) Echo – Dollhouse
6.) Barney Stinson – How I Met Your Mother
7.) Toby – Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
8.) The Phantom (Erik) – The Phantom of the Opera
9.) Yami Yugi – Yu-Gi-Oh (You can tell I’m running out of characters…)
10.) Penny – Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog

And here were the mini-fanfictions that resulted from this. The numbers next to it are randomly decided by the challenge, not by me. Keep in mind had no idea what the prompts were when I chose characters. I just went with the first ones that popped into my head.

Also keep in mind that I had, like, fifiteen minutes to write these, so said the challenge. I managed to pull it off, but the grammer and my ability to not sound cliched suffered.

WARNING: Some of these are disturbing. Blame whatever deranged person came up with this challenge, not me.

1.) "First Time" - 4/6 (House/Barney)

"Well," said Barney, "that really wasn't how I expected this to go..."

"We can just go ahead and pretend this never happened." Said House, refusing to look over at the man lying next to him.


2.) "Angst" - 7 (Toby)

Three times, she said, three times through the grinder, smoothly, smoothly, smoothly...

Why did he have to hurt people? He shouldn't do that.


And now he had. He shouldn't do that. He was bad. Tody wasn't a good boy anymore. Toby was bad. Toby was bad. Smoothly...


3.) "AU" - 1/8 (The Doctor/The Phantom)

It was another dull night in the basement of the Paris Opera House. After what had seemed like hours, the Doctor and the Phantom had finally settled on "Go Fish" as their game of choice for the evening.

"So how's that opera of yours coming?" asked the Doctor, "also, go fish."

"It's alright," answered the Phantom, taking a card from the pile and glaring a it, "Christine says the chords are bit off in some places, but then she was partially hypnotized at the time."

"Ah," said the Doctor, "Yes, that isn't exactly the most reliable criticism. Do you have any threes?"

4.) "Threesome" - 3/6/9 (Donna/Barney/Yami)

"It's the same thing I told the Doctor," said Donna defiantly, "you're too thin! You're like nothing! Egyptian nothing!"

"Just because I'm thin doesn't mean I'm bad," said Yami, "As a matter of fact, Yugi was just saying the other day -"

"I really don't need to hear that!" said Barney, suddenly, "God, this is why I don't do shots!"

5.) "Hurt/Comfort" - 5/10 (Echo/Penny)

"So..." said Echo, sitting down next to her new friend on top of the dryer, "I'm involved in this huge politically, scientifically, and morally ambiguous conspiracy, I don't have my own identity, and can remember being like five million people, none of whom are actually me."

"Don't worry," said Penny, "Even in the darkness, every color can be found."


6.) "Crack" - 1 (The Doctor)

"I want a banana milkshake!" said the Doctor, firmly.

"I'm sorry sir, we don't have those," replied the man at the counter for the fourth time.

"Well fine then, prepare yourself for the vengeful rage of the TIME LORD VICTORIOUS!!!"

"Excuse me?"

With that the Doctor proceeded to open a hole in time and space with his sonic screwdriver, shove the uncooperative milkshake man through it, and steal the shop's bananas.

"He he," he said, "Take that, laws of time."

7.) "Horror" - 10 (Penny)

She could feel the blood seeping through her fingers as she reached down to touch her stomach. Evil surrounded her, everywhere blood and screaming, and...Billy? Was that really him?

It was. The blood on his forehead and the concerned yet still somehow evil look in his eyes confirmed it. He was gone too. Gone with the blood and screaming, gone with any hint of innocence in the world. Everything was bloody, everything was slipping...

She slipped. And then she was gone.

8.) "Baby Fic" - 5/9 (Echo/Yami)

"How did this happen?" asked Echo, looking down at her new son.

"Did we even have sex?" asked Yami.

9.) "Dark" - 2/9 (Billy/Yami)

"I killed her." said Billy, looking down at his hands as if stained by her blood, "She died in my arms. I'm evil, Yami, I'm...I'm not a good person to be around."

"I once succumbed to the powers of darkness and inadvertently killed my other self in the process," said Yami, "plus I used to murder people back when I was first released from the puzzle. We're both dark, Billy, we're both against society."

"Are you saying...?"

"We might as well kill together."

10.) "Romance" - 4/7 (House/Toby)

"I've been in bed with a lot of strange people lately," said House, "but a psych ward patient who mumbles about pies and cannibalism is definitely a new one."

"Just kiss me, sir." said Toby.

11.) "Death Fic" - 2/3 (Billy/Donna)

"Did I mention I killed the woman I loved?" asked Billy.

"Did I mention my best friend psychologically killed me?" replied Donna.

"I'm not sure who wins here." said Billy.

"Yeah..." said Donna, "Really."