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I am a blogger who specializes in using blogs to blog.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Blair Nelly Project

So personally, I think that witches need a bit of respect. While I've never met the Blair Witch, the Bell Witch, the Wicked Witch or the White Witch, I'm fairly sure they're not as bad as everyone thinks they are.

It's almost politically incorrect, my job. I hide in the shadows out in the woods of the New England Dragway, my face is green, I'm wearing a black dress with a black cape and black pointed hat and across the path from me is a couldren with green smoke seeping out of it. Once people come up the path, I jump out and chase them, screaming and cackling. It I were a real witch I would be offended.

When people come through my scene at Haunted Acres, they think one of two things a.) Dude look at that couldren, I hope it's alchohol they're brewing, or b.) This totally the Blair Witch. Once I pop out at them they either, scream, laugh, pat themselves on the back for figuring out that the Blair Witch is here, or think I'm a vampire.

First of all, I AM NOT A VAMPIRE!!! I don't know were people are getting this from. I mean, there's a smoking couldren right next to where they're standing, I'm clearly dressed up as a witch, I've got a black pointed hat on, and my face is green. Still, when people come through and I sneakily follow them down the path, they half the time still insist, "Hey...that vampire lady's still following us..." AHHHH!!!!! If you're going to bee a smart alec and refuse to at least pretend you're scared, at least make fun of me with the right name!! Vampire...grr...

Anyway, I may not be a vampire, but I'm perfectly fine with being called the Blair Witch. In fact, I think I was hired to be the Blair Witch anyway. I've never seen The Blair Witch Project (I've seen the thumb-spoof The Blair Thumb) nor do I have any intenstion of ever seeing it, but being given the title of "Blair Witch" is still quite an honor.

I just got a call from the Haunted Acres people. Looks like it's not going to matter what exactly I'm playing tonight since they've just shut down the Nightmare Walk. Severe rains up here in New Hampshire, maybe even becoming snow. I know I'm making a lot of money doing this, and I've just written an entire entry about how much I like having the "Blair Witch" title, but after hearing this news, I have but one thing to say:


*Ahem* Well, now that that's settled, I think I'm going to go use my free Saturday to do something a bit more productive then ranting to unsuspecting Blog readers. Which, by the way, I have five of now! Five whole readers! Yes!

So I guess I'll sign off here. Nothing else worth mentioning has happened in my life since my last entry. Haunted Acres pretty has been my life for the past month. Thank God October's almost over. Bring on November!!

Oh, I watched Torchwood the other day, that Doctor Who spin-off from Wales. It was really good. I'll post a full review at some point, when I don't have better things to be doing.

Forever Yours (or something),


Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Cat, The Witch, and My Mother

As I'm sitting here typing this I am extremely alarmed. Why am I so shocked? Because there is no large black/grey Maine coon sitting on my keyboard. Granted, he only seems to be attracted to the downstairs family computer (which I'm currently not using) but it's only a matter of time before he discovers that there's no one working down there, and feels the need to come to me.

My cat, I've decided, is extremely insecure. From dealing with several of my friends, I know insecurity when I see it. His excessive need to "feel loved" is says to me that he is deep down a very lonely cat. His desire for attention, however, is getting out of hand. His means of gaining the attention he wants has become extremely risky, and is starting to be exceptionally dangerous. If this deadly cycle of rolling all over the keyboard and the phone (and any other electronics on the desk) continues, he could find himself suffering even more from the trauma of being thrown outside in the cold! It is my hope that he finds help immediately so that this terrible habit may cease and he can get the attention he deserves in a healthy way. Without accidentally typing an entire row of A's in the middle of my history essay.

So anyway, moving on from that, I had my very first day at Haunted Acres yesterday...sort of. Not everything was set up yet, so what they basically did was show me three different options for things I could play and let me demand one. The choices went like this:
  1. First, I was offered the part of the abomidable snow man in the "freezer room" I was to wear a torn up snow suit and jump out at scare people. Once they decided that I really didn't want to be crammed into a tiny corner to pop out at people, and that I'm a wimp and get cold easily, the decided to move me.
  2. My second offer was for the part of the spinning masked screamer person. I was to stand in a wide spinner tube-like thing and scream at people in two directions with a mask on. Not only did I not particularly want to wear a mask (but I would have if I had to) but I figured that after a while I'd get dizzy.
  3. My final offer was when I finally asked "is it ok if I work out on the nightmare walk instead of in the house?" The coordinator asked, "can you play a witch?" to which my Dad responded, "She won't even have to ask." Take my advice people, never bring your dad to your first job interview. Anyway, I said a witch would be fine (a witch is my classic Halloween costume of choice anyway) and I got the job. I start tomorrow. As of yesterday I am officially a professional witch.
Have you ever tried to Google your name? Type in my name, and you get an obituary for a ship that tragically sunk in the 1920's. Type in my other name (I go by two different names, my real one and my nick-name) and you get a newspaper article from when I was eleven. Type in my mom's name, and you get a whole slew of paranormal websites.

The funny part about that is, my mother is the most incredible skeptic you will ever meet. One of her most famous (well, ok...famous in my house) quotes is "you don't have ghosts you have mice!" Yet, if you type her name into Google, going past all the columns she writes for the Exeter News Letter ("Historically Speaking" every other Friday...I think) you get ghost sites. You see, last October my mother had the brilliant idea of becoming the Exeter News Letter's official disenchantress, and wrote a whole article about ghosts, or the lack of ghosts. It doesn't really totally disprove or completely bash the whole ghost thing, it's more about how she wishes ghosts would give people a little bit more information.
Psychic: His name was...Nathanial!

Mom: Nathanial what?

Psychic: He doesn't just say...just Nathanial

Mom: Well God, this house was built in the 1700's, there were billions of Nathanials running around!

Psychic: He was sad when he died...

Mom: I'm sure some of those Nathanials running around were sad, it could be anyone!

And that's how the conversation would continue for about an hour or so. She had the same discussion with my junior paranormal investigator cousin, George, all the time too. My other article "The Ghosts of P.E.I." has more to say about that. If you ever find yourself getting all spacey and need a major reality check, come talk to my mom. She'll give you her views on the matter, and make you laugh hysterically while doing so. She won't try to completely convert you over to the land of skepticism, she'll just say what she thinks and let you think about it. When you leave. While you're with her she'll never give you a free moment.

Of course, It would probably be good to note that the only reason I'm writing all this stuff about my mom is that she recently came up to me at like 11:00 at night and said "Oh, I found your blog!" and asked if she could read the rest of it. I'm seriously going to have to be more careful about what I say here...mother's watching...

Bon Voyage!