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Thursday, May 17, 2007

On With The Show

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been a bit busy...and perhaps a bit uninspired...

It's that same feeling you get everytime, right after you finish a play. You sit there for hours with nothing do thinking "What the hell am I going to do with myself now?" and then realize, there is nothing else, you're on a break. You're suddenly faced with free time, something you always wanted during the play, but suddenly no longer need. There's no rehearsals, no lines to memorize, no blocking to learn, no new characters to think about, there's just...free time.

And what are you suppose to do with free time, hm? People always want it, constantly, it's something every working, learning, and playing person strives for. The thought of being able to sit down and do absolutely nothing, even for just a moment, sounds blissful to many. But once you have it, all that time to do nothing, that's exactly what happens...nothing.

I can't tell you how many walks I've taken since this play ended. I've been to every tiny corner of my town by now, I think, and let me tell you, each part of it was exactly as unremarkable as the last. There's lots of time to think when you have free time, I'm sure that when whoever finally figures out the meaning of life and the universe finally does it, they'll do it on a walk during some free time.

For me though, who doesn't care what the meaning of life is, just that it has meaning, walking and thinking and sitting and staring just isn't enough.

I'm sure to many this just seems like another "Nelly's bored again" rant, and to a certain extent, it is. But there's a difference between being bored and being what I am, I'm not sure if there's really a word for it. It's that weird post-play feeling that thankfully usually goes away as soon as you find another play, but practically kills you while it's there. It's sort of like being released back into the real world again, I suppose. But then, isn't the real world just a stage? And the men and women merely players?

I suppose, as Queen once said, the show must go on, inside my heart is breaking, my make-up may be flaking, but my smile stays on...sort of. No matter how unhappy or confused I may be after this play, life keeps on going. You keep acting in it like nothings changed, and then when something finally does change, it's even better than you expected.

And so, I am officially no longer Alma Threedle, I'm just Nelly again. Just plain, old, ordinary Nelly, with nothing remarkable about my life other than a bizarre habit for taking long walks. That's it. For now. At some point, something else will happen, till then, the show goes on.

Moving on,


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