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I am a blogger who specializes in using blogs to blog.

Monday, August 04, 2008

The Details

So I've discovered that I have about 45 minutes before I have to go to work and decided that, rather than watching the same episode of The Daily Show that was on yesterday, I should write another blog entry.

So I did.

Anyway, I haven't really been very social this summer, I haven't written, haven't seen many people, haven't really gone anywhere apart from the places my friend Natasha took me too which was a nice, and fully welcomed, plot to get us both out of our houses. Obviously, the few times I have written have been pretty...er, grim, I suppose. A nice second person narrative on my currently rather pointless existence which was almost like a far less brilliantly written soliloquy from Hamlet in it's complete angsty-ness. Then there was this random little "Nelly-lacks inspiration" entry, followed by a lengthy guide to working at Ace Hardware. I haven't written anything particularly amusing or entertaining, I haven't really been in the mood to, which sucks, because it means I've been ignoring things. Important things. Things such as having a foreign exchange student from Taiwan living with me for the last month. Things such as the Forth of July. Things that most people would consider important to document in a Blog that centers around the events of a person's life.

Let me take you back a few months, before summer, before the exchange student you don't know about, before the shock of suddenly being a senior, before The Chocolate War, and even, before Mother Courage. Let's go back to April, the end of April. About a month after I got my job, I went away on vacation. The trip was to Washington DC, though we were staying in a cabin (or lodge, I guess) in Maryland. I wrote three entries while I was there, one before, one on the first day, and one about halfway through the week. Just from looking through my entries, after the famed over-excited "ZOMG TEH YANA MASTER!!!" entry, I seemed to just stop writing. There's nothing about my trip, nothing about my then "new" job, there's just nothing for about a month. All of May is gone, and when I do come back, when I finally re-appear into the world of Blogging, the entry I post has absolutely nothing to do with my life, and is about celebrities. After that, summer hits and I descend into angst, and before you know it, here we are.

Now, the missing month of May, I have an excuse for. I was doing two plays, had about 8 million final projects and papers due, teched my sister's dance recital and was still getting used to my job. No one saw much of me in May, except the casts of The Chocolate War and Mother Courage, I took time off work, missed a bit of school, and kept skipping lunch, and basically saw no one.

As for what happened after the great month-long Blogging hiatus, I really don't have anything to defend myself with. Every single thing I was doing, all the plays, all the projects, all the tech-ing, everything suddenly ended, all at once, within the space of about a week.

I'm not very good with free time. I think I get it from my Dad, I'm not good with not having anything to do. It makes it difficult to suddenly go from having absolutely no time to all the time in the world in the space of a week. I had no idea what to do with myself, I had nothing to work on, or think about apart from a job that seemed to be slowly eating up any moment my friends might be around, and one I slowly realized (as most do with their summer jobs) I completely and utterly loathed. All I could see ahead of me was summer, an endless, very stormy summer, and as I've said before, I hate summer.

I couldn't really do much of anything for a few months there other than whine. I sat around locked in my room with my own self-pity, not caring about anything around me, refusing to listen to anybody, not willing to take any form of action on my own "miserable existence". I wasn't writing simply because I decided early on that I had nothing to write about. I was so caught up in my own teenage angst, I neglected to see what was around me. I neglected to see that anything was happening around me. And it was, oh God, it was.

Li-Han Lin, or Leigh, arrived at my house on July 10. She was a bit scared, a bit timid, but we broke the ice fairly quickly. The two of us spent about two hours that night just talking, I kept her up, I think, comparing notes on school, and family, and life in general. Being 17 in Taiwan is often remarkably similar to being 17 in the United States, we discovered. Though we didn't get to see each other very much, she had school till 5 everyday and I work all weekend and beyond, we did get to do a few things. We went to Portsmouth and contemplated why there's a giant statue of an ant in the center, and got rained on at the Stratham Fair. We went and saw Wall-E, and ran around a supermarket. We spent a pretty good amount of time together for two people with entirely conflicting schedules, and I learned a lot from her.

My issue is, of course, that she was here for an entire month, and I failed to mention it. I didn't tell most of my friends or cousins that she was coming till about a day before or after she got there. There are some people that still don't know. It wasn't because I was unaware, or because I'm hiding something from them, I just wasn't thinking about it because I was too wrapped up in my own stupid issues. She was quite possibly the largest event of my summer, and practically no one really knows.

She's gone now. She left yesterday for Taiwan. Even if I wanted to write a Blog entry about her, or let her meet my friends, I can't. I missed that chance because I was stupid. I decided to be Hamlet and stand around soliloquy-ing, instead of being me.

And now I'm back to where I started. But with hopefully, a little less angst.

See you at Ace,



Anonymous said...

Good luck. I think you are capable.

Ophelia said...

Well. Hurrah! I was getting a bit bored waiting around for you to be fun, exciting, replies-to-my-emails Nelly again. Being Hamlet only has its perks for a little while....and then you die.

Li-Han Lin sounds cool. We had a kid named In-Chan Kim from Koreo once. He didn't like it that we called him In-Chan. He couldn't say his R's either.

So that's interesting.