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Friday, April 27, 2007

Bored at Two A.M.

So I've barely been back from New York one day, and I'm already bored. Sigh, it doesn't take much does it? A few hours of sitting still and I'm ready to jump out the window. Not to die, of course, I'm restless not suicidal. Plus, I can't die till after May 12, I have no understudy.

What does one do, when they're so bored they're about to explode, and they can't go anywhere because it's one in the morning? What does a person do when they can't sleep to pass the time? As a person who regularly has trouble sleeping and is usually in a state of boredom while doing so, I can confidently say that I have no idea.

I could, I suppose, read a book or something to pass time, but then I've read every book on my bookshelf, and the library doesn't open for another eight hours. I could watch a movie, except that all the DVD's are downstairs and I don't want to wake anyone up. The whole midnight snack thing is out for the same reason, and the fact that it hasn't been midnight for an hour and a half.

It's times like these I think I should be writing the great American novel or something, like I should be doing something important with all this time. If I was musically talented, I could write a symphony or something, an opera, or even just a musical. If I was mathematically gifted or scientifically, I could discover a cure for something, or break some established law of physics, defy gravity or something. Anything, just to be doing something.

Maybe I should learn a language, I'm good at that, language, it's about the only scholastic skill I have. English and Spanish, my two best subjects. My Spanish teacher last year said I had a "high affinity for language" or something along that line. Of course, he then also added that though I could probably become multi-lingual if I wanted to, I'm a bit lazy, meaning I probably won't.

I have always wanted to learn Latin...

Anyway, educational pursuits aside, I still have nothing productive to do with my time. I can't learn lines, since I already know them (and I've practiced them so much I'm at the point where I want to shoot Alma Threedle) I can't go anywhere since it's too dark, and I can't leave my room since I don't want to wake anyone up. I'm trapped here, in my tiny little, four walled room for the next seven hours until someone wakes up or I fall asleep. God knows when that'll happen.

I spent today in my house. The day after I get back from New York, 24 hours in my house. Tomorrow I'll have to go somewhere, or I really will explode and my director will find a way to bring me back so she can kill me again for exploding before opening night. I'll have to go somewhere, even if it's just down the street, because I don't think I can take another day in this house.

God, I sound frustrated. I suppose that's what I am actually, frustrated. I'd never found the right word for it, till now. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated with my life right now, just now. I have a feeling though, gut instinct maybe, that if I'm patient, if I can hold out just a little bit longer, if I wait long enough, It'll get better.

Oh God, it'll get better.

So I'll wait. From two in the morning to dawn, trapped in the four walls of my bedroom, frustrated to hell with my life at the moment, I'll wait. I'll wait for when it gets better, because I know it will. No matter how angsty and emotional I am now, everything will work out in the end.

That was my rant for today folks, have a good morning,


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